Weight of the World

Last night was an interesting night.  Nothing out of the usual, just a very thought provoking night for me.  After Brock got done getting Adalee to sleep we finished watching Brave and then some tv to just relax.  Then we decided to head to bed early for Friday night (we go to bed early most nights because Brock gets up at 4:30 for work) because Adalee has not been sleeping so great this week and we figured we would get an early start in case she decided to wake up and be up for awhile.  While I was praying I decided I needed to do some repenting because I had been so ornery with Brock earlier that day.  We had gone to baby animal days that afternoon and when we got there I told Brock that maybe we should go shopping at Walmart first and then hit up baby animal days because it looked like it was going to start raining again.  Well he talked me out of it saying that it could rain for a long time or take a short break and rain later so we decided to stay.  As soon as we got our tickets and headed out into the fields it started to rain. . . and rain and rain.  I could not stop mentioning to Brock that we should have waited because then we wouldn't have got soaked.  I don't know why I kept rubbing it in.  I was just being so ornery and I had the absolute worst attitude.  We went and stood in line to see the bear cubs because I knew Adalee would love them.  Well the line was long and we had to wait outside in the rain.  We had an umbrella but my feet were getting soaked because I wore the wrong kind of shoes.  I complained pretty much the entire time we were in that line.  I kept saying that we should have waited, that it looked like the rain was going to clear out and that we would have not had to wait in line in the rain if we had waited.  Then I even had the gall to get mad at him for not telling me to wear my boots just because he was smart enough to wear his own boots.  Wow, I am not proud to admit that.  Anyways, after we made it inside to see the bear cubs Adalee was ornery too because we had to hold her the entire time we were waiting in line and she kept crying.  At one point, she screamed really loud and the guy behind us got this look on his face like "wow, what is wrong with that child".  I felt embarrassed and wanted to cry but I held it in because I was still kind of ornery.  When we finally got to the bear cubs Adalee cried because we had to hold her up to see them because there was a small gate around them and she wanted to get down.  She didn't even enjoy seeing the bear cubs and she loves bears.  Ugh.  When we got outside the rain had stopped and the sun was shining.  By this time my meanness had fizzled out and I mentioned one more time that we should have waited but it was in a joking way.  Still, not cool.  Brock kept saying sorry and afterwards I felt so bad. 

Anyways, back to my prayer that night.  I prayed and asked for forgiveness for being so mean to Brock.  I began to thank Heavenly Father for my wonderful family who loves me so much.  I thanked Him for my sweet daughter Adalee even though she doesn't sleep well at night and told Him that I would take a million sleepless nights if that meant that I got to keep her forever.  Then I began to think about losing my sweet Adalee and how hard that would be even though I know without a doubt that I would see her again in the next life.  After my not so hot day and feeling so bad, I just broke down.  Then somehow my thoughts and prayer turned to those who really really suffer.  Those who go hungry.  Those who are lonely.  Those who are sick.  Those who have experienced loss.  Those suffering from mental illness or addictions.  I began to realize how incredibly blessed I am and I just had this feeling that I wished that I could right every wrong in the world.  I finished my prayer and quit crying and hopped into bed.  Well Brock asked if everything was ok and I just broke down again.  I could not stop thinking about all the people who are suffering out there and just wishing that I could do something.  I wanted to make sure that no one would go hungry.  I wanted to make sure that no one felt alone or scared.  I wanted to hold every child out there that has ever been abused and tell them that life could get better.  But I can't.  I just laid there sobbing because I felt the absolute weight of the world on my shoulders.  I knew I was being irrational and that there was nothing I could do and that crying over it would not help, but I just couldn't help it.  Then it hit me.  I felt the sweet whisperings of the spirit tell me that although I couldn't be there to comfort all those people, someone else could.  This person can be there to comfort those who are suffering.  In fact he is the best to bring comfort because he knows exactly what they are going through.  He knows hunger.  He knows fear.  He knows loneliness.  He knows despair.  He knows loss.  He knows pain and abuse.  He has felt all of these things and he did it for us because he loves us.  The Savior suffered all things for us so that he can be there to hold us and bring us hope.  If we allow the Savior in our life, he will bless us beyond measure. He will heal our broken hearts.  He will speak peace to us that life can and will get better.  I know that I can't do everything and no one else on this earth can.  But I am grateful that the Savior can bring the peace that people in this world need.  I can't hold every child that suffers, but he can, and I am grateful for that.  I also know that while he can bring peace, he still needs our help.  We are to be the Saviors physical hands here on this earth.  Through the priesthood people are healed. Through the whisperings of the spirit we can comfort those who are alone, those who have experienced loss, those who are suffering.  We need only to ask for guidance and to act on the promptings of the spirit.  I myself may not be able to solve the problems of the world, but collectively and with the help of our Savior, we can make a difference.  I hope we can all find ways to serve, big or small, because there is always someone around us who is in need.

Mosiah 2:17 
17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn ^awisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the ^bservice of your ^cfellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.