The Kind of Mother I Want to Be

I read this blog that someone I know posted and it is so great!  Here is the link:  http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/05/22/the-important-thing-about-yelling/

Adalee is only 18 months old but I have found myself frustrated with her, especially at night when she won't sleep.  I can't say that I have yelled at her but I have raised my voice and gotten annoyed at some of the silliest things.  In this article, the Mom talks about when she realized that her kids were scared of her and that really hit me.  That is what hit her and made her change and I came to the realization that I never want to be like that.  I always want my kids to feel safe at home and I want them to feel like it's ok to make mistakes, we all do.  I want more than anything for them to be able to learn and grow without feeling like a failure.  I know that I, myself, am not perfect and that I will have moments of frustration and anger seep over but after reading this I hope to make them very few and far in between.  I love my family and I never want them to resent me or fear me.  I want our home to be a safe haven where the spirit can dwell and that won't happen if I do things that will drive the spirit away. 

In her article she mentioned distraction being a part of the reason she had become a yeller.  I think that is so true in this world we live in.  It's so easy to get caught up on our phone, the computer, a tablet or other hand held device, etc.  Sometimes we think we are being "productive" by making fancy to do lists and rushing around frantically trying to finish them.  My husband says he doesn't like it when I say that I wasn't "productive" that day, because usually when I am talking about being productive I am talking about laundry, dishes, shopping, etc.  Things that have to be done but should not always be at the top of our to do list.  Adalee is already growing up so fast.  Sometimes I just look at her and how big she is and I wonder where the last 18 months went.  I love the quiet moments when we read together or when we play house in her room, which really just consists of her handing me play food to eat or a cup to drink out of.  :)  I love these moments but sometimes I find myself wondering how long I need to do this for her to be satisfied so that I can go get something accomplished.  Ugh, just saying that makes me feel bad. 

When we get so distracted with what we think we should be spending our time on, we get frustrated when it doesn't go as planned.  We wonder why our children are so fussy and why they won't just leave us alone for a minute or two.  So why do you think they get fussy like that?  In my mind it's because they are pleading for our attention.  Here we are on the phone saying "I'm on the phone just give me a minute" or "let Mommy finish the dishes and then I will read you a story" or "just go play in your room for awhile", etc. and all they are asking for is some time from us.  At this age my daughter isn't asking for money to spend, or for something outrageous, she is simply asking for my time.  Time is precious, that's for sure, but are we spending it on the important things in life?  I love that quote from Elder Neil L. Anderson in his conference talk titled "Children":

“Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

Heavenly Father sent us here with a plan and the family is central to that plan.  He gave us time so that we could spend it bettering ourselves and rearing our children.  How can we make them the best they can be if we don't take the time to teach and love them.  How do we show our love if we don't take time for them?  I am getting better at this but I still have work to do for sure.  I am finding that it doesn't bother me as much if I don't finish the dishes when she comes calling for me.  I am getting better at putting down whatever I am working on and paying attention to her.  It was hard at first but now I am starting to realize what really matters. I also noticed that when I attend to her needs and wants she doesn't whine and she doesn't need to scream for my attention because she already has it when she first sweetly says "Mommy" and tugs on my leg.  Therefore I don't get as frustrated because she is not fussing and whining all the time.  I really hope I can be the kind of Mother that is kind, caring and soft spoken.  The kind of Mother that when my children make a mistake, encourages them to try again.  I hope I can focus on their strengths and not always point out their weaknesses.  I want them to learn and grow and realize that they will make mistakes but that they can keep trying.  I'd hate for them to give up because I would get frustrated or mad every time they did something wrong, especially if it was something they did on accident.  Therefore, I am going to try really hard to follow her hands free motto and try to be less distracted. I want to really be there for my kids, not just physically but mentally as well because they deserve everything good I have to give them.